


Head in the Ground

by marvelandimagine



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Comfort, F/M, Romance, Self Harm, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-27
Updated: 2015-08-26
Packaged: 2018-04-17 11:14:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4664490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marvelandimagine/pseuds/marvelandimagine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bruce x Reader. After a painful breakup that led you to relapsing and self harming, Bruce comes over to make sure you're OK. After spending the night on your couch together, the two of you begin to really think about your relationship and struggle with just how strong your feelings are for each other but eventually realize that when love is real, it's worth the risk. **TRIGGERS FOR SELF HARM**</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“There’s someone else, isn’t there?” You looked up at the man you loved, your eyes shining with tears. He said nothing. “Lucas, just stop fucking lying to my face and tell me there’s someone else.” Your voice was hoarse from the 15 minute screaming match that just took place after coming back to your apartment to find your boyfriend’s things all packed. 

He nodded slowly. “I’m sorry. I didn’t plan it …. But it made me realize that this, us, isn’t working anymore. I really did try, Y/N. But you’re better off with someone who can work well with …. Well,” he broke off awkwardly.

“My powers?” You let out a harsh laugh, wiping angry tears away with the back of your hand. You mean this? Something that is part of who I am, that I NEVER CHOSE TO HAVE?“ You gesticulated wildly as the room temperature instantly increased, the flames on your stove turning on and your palms turning a fiery red.

“I told you what the fuck you were getting into with me, all of me, and you told me you loved me enough that it didn’t matter.”

Lucas stood there quietly. “I’m sorry, Y/N. It’s not just the powers. I just don’t feel that way about you anymore.”

That was it. With a simple statement, you felt every fiber of your being flooding with stabbing pain. You were spinning, spinning. Whatever was holding you together had snapped. You were being unmade. “You’re sorry? A year and a half with me and that’s all I get? Your voice shook as waves of fear, pain, and bewilderment racked your body. Lucas stared blankly, letting out an exhale. "There’s just nothing else I can say.”

You shook your head, un clenching and clenching your palms feeling an oncoming anxiety attack. “Just get the fuck out of my apartment, Lucas.” He paused, opening his mouth to speak but you cut him off. “I SAID GET THE FUCK OUT,” you yelled, flames emitting from your palms.  
He turned and just like that, your love was gone.

Sliding down the door that had just been slammed shut, you hugged your knees into your chest and covered your mouth with your hand, desperately trying to keep yourself from crying out. Your breath became uneven as you let your humanity take over; loud, ugly sobs racking your body. It was a wild, encompassing grief like you had never known before. Tears poured out as you curled up on your side, gripping your hair with your hands. You had loved Lucas with everything you had; you really thought you two had a future together. Your chest heaved and you longed to reach inside and rip out that beating heart, to instill some sense of numbness and shut away the despair coursing through your veins. To just let it end. You needed a distraction, you needed to escape. You steadied your breathing and rubbed your red-rimmed eyes, standing up to shakily walk over to your liquor cabinet.  
——————————————-  
“When you go, would you have the guts to say ‘I don’t love you like I did yesterday?” Gerard Way’s wailing voice blared loudly from your Bluetooth speakers as you staggered around your apartment with a trash bag in one hand and a bottle of vodka in the other. Ripping down pictures and memories and burying them down into the dark abyss of the black, plastic bag you dragged around. You raised the bottle to your lips, feeling the familiar burn of alcohol scorching your throat and insides. You licked your lips and rolled your head around. You were drunk, but still cognizant enough to feel the weight of the lyrics coming out of your speakers.

You looked at your wall. There was a few pictures left with the Avengers, including a picture of you and Bruce taken on your birthday. You were tipsy and kissing his cheek while he looked up with a small smile. You stared at it. You and Bruce had immediately clicked when you joined the Avengers, both introverts who weren’t that used to working with others. You found solace in each other’s company; everyone was surprised at how quickly you too seemed to bond. Your eyes filled with more tears. You wanted to see Bruce. But not like this, not when you were spinning so far out.

You felt the waves of hurt coming back, squeezing your eyes tightly to fight against the coming onslaught of emotion. “Don’t fucking cry don’t fucking cry, STOP FUCKING CRYING,” you angrily hissed at yourself, your voice breaking as the sobs came flooding back.

You cried yourself out and looked around. The liquor wasn’t enough. You needed a real, tangible, visible distraction. A way to get control and to stop the screaming in your head. With bleary eyes, your gaze landed on the table where the pocket knife that you kept on missions lay.  
Your fingers twitched.

Before you were on medication for your depression and anxiety, you had a real problem with self harm. For a year now, you had struggled and fought. If you picked the razor up, you eventually put it back. The Avengers had been nothing but supportive, even giving you small things like stress balls and ice cubes to run over your skin to use as a substitute for self destructive behaviors. Lucas had really helped you along as well, but where was he now? “Gone,” you thought flatly. “I’m not worth the effort. I’m not worth anything.”

You reached out and gripped the handle firmly. You stared at the cold metal, a voice in your head begging you to put it back. But grief spoke louder. You pressed the tip of the blade to your wrist, exhaling sharply as the first drop of crimson appeared. You could handle this kind of pain. You breathed out again, brushed away a tear sliding down your cheek. With every line you drew on your skin, you felt a small sense of release.

Pulling yourself out of your thoughts after a few minutes, you blinked heavily and looked down at your arm. Panic replaced the brief sense of control you had felt. “Shit, shit, shit,” you muttered. Your breathing grew shallow as you became dizzy; your arm was a mess of gushing red. Were some of those lines vertical? You couldn’t even tell. The temperature in the room was increasing again and you saw the tiny balls of flame appear in your hands. You ran to the sink and splashed water all over yourself, trying to calm yourself down enough to make sure you didn’t torch your apartment. The flames diminished. You turned to grab paper towels, the blood seeping right through as if there was nothing inhibiting its flow. You felt icy waves of terror flooding your senses. You didn’t want to die, you just wanted to stop the heartbreak.

Placing survival above anything else at this point, you fumbled with your phone, pressing Bruce’s name and praying for an answer. “Y/N?” Bruce’s voice echoed on the receiver. “It’s midnight,” he said laughing. “What do you -” “I fucked up Bruce I’m bleeding so bad I’m such a fuck up I’m so sorry I cut so deep I didn’t realize I’m gonna die I need help please help me,” you spoke in rapid fire as your voice shook. You were crying again, hard. “I don’t know what to do I don’t want to die I just wanted it all to stop I’m so fucked up I can’t take it,” 

“Y/N, slow down right now,” Bruce said with a new alertness. “Did you hurt yourself? Where’s Lucas?” 

“Yes,” you choked out. With a shaky laugh, you continued, “and he’s gone. He broke up with me and I spun the fuck out I can’t breathe I don’t know what to do,” your voice was slurred and reaching a high pitch that only terror and intoxication can bring. 

There was a brief pause. “I’m coming over, don’t leave your apartment and keep pressure on the cuts. I need you to stay awake for me, even if you’re tired, OK?” You cried harder. “I’m so sorry, Bruce.” You hung up the phone and looked down at the lines running criss cross across your skin. Grief, nausea, shame and panic rattled around you as you threw up in your sink. You slumped to the ground and waited for a loud knock on the door.  
——————————————-  
Bruce hung up the phone and immediately went to grab medical supplies. Throwing things haphazardly into his messenger bag, he felt his own kind of panic take over. “Please let me be able to help her, please don’t let those cuts be too deep, I can’t lose her.” Bruce’s thoughts raced around his head as he ticked off items at the same time – needles, disinfectant, bandages and on and on. Still in sweats and a long sleeved shirt, Bruce flew out his door and headed toward the garage, nearly wiping Tony out while rounding a corner. “Woah there, Doc? You got a hot date or something?” Stopping briefly, Bruce turned around. “Y/N called me saying she cut herself too deep. She’s drunk, I could barely understand her but she was screaming that she was a fuck up and that Lucas dumped her. I don’t think she’s ok.” Lines of worry appeared on Tony’s forehead. He tossed Bruce the keys to his Mercedes. “This will get you there faster. Keep me posted, let me know if she needs the hospital, I’ll fly her out. "Thanks, I will.” Bruce ran down the stairs and unlocked the car, speeding off into the late New York City rush of cars with his hands clenched on the steering wheel. “Hang in there, Y/N,” he muttered to himself quietly. “I’m coming.”  
—————————————-  
You unlocked the door, opening to see a disheveled Bruce standing there with his messenger bag. He let out a short sigh of relief, cut short when he took a closer look at your pale face and unfocused vision, his gaze drifting down to the wad of blood soaked Bounty towels you clutched on your forearm. “Jesus Christ. C'mon, Y/N.” Bruce scooped you into his arms with surprising availing, placing you down on the couch and peeling off matted paper towels to look at the mess underneath on your arm. You bit your lip and looked away, anywhere but looking at Bruce. You didn’t want to see disappointment in his face. “You need stitches now,” he said, already digging through his bag. You didn’t even wince as the disinfectant stung you. You felt small and weak and tainted, ashamed that you had let your emotions push you back to self destruction.

Bruce got to work and looked up at you purposefully avoiding his gaze. “Can I ask what happened?” You shook your head quickly like a small child afraid of being scolded. “Y/N,” Bruce said gently. You looked at him, his brown eyes filled with so much genuine concern and you broke. You felt so safe around Bruce and were able to swallow the lump in your throat. Staring back up at the ceiling, you told him what sent you over the edge.

“Lucas … He doesn’t love me. He couldn’t take my powers and he doesn’t love me anymore. Oh, and he had been cheating on me. Probably with that blonde waitress he’d always eye fuck whenever we went out for breakfast. Fuck. I can’t believe I trusted him, I just thought he loved me for me you know.” Your voice cracked. “But I guess I’m too fucked up for anyone to want to stay. I don’t blame him. I -”

“Hey, hey, hey,” Bruce cut you off, pulling himself up next to you and turning your face toward his. “Listen to me, Y/N. You didn’t do anything wrong. If that asshole can’t see how great you are, that’s his loss.” He got back to work on your arm. “I know you loved him and I’m so sorry, Y/N, but fuck him. You deserve so much more.” You stared at Bruce; he very rarely swore. He smiled slightly at the stunned look on your face, turning his gaze back to his handiwork on your forearm. “This won’t feel good,” he said grimly before pulling a stitch with a tough tug. You flinched but said nothing.

After a few moments of silence, you spoke. “I’m so sorry you have to do this,” you whispered. “I just didn’t know who else to call that wouldn’t think I was a freak. You shouldn’t have to take care of me. I don’t deserve -”  
“You’re not a freak, Y/N,” Bruce said frowning. “No one in the tower thinks that and no one wants to see you in this much pain.” Wrapping some final bandages around your arm, he gave your hand a small squeeze. “You deserve to be with someone who loves you for who you are. Good and bad. And you’ll find that, I promise,” he said, brushing some stray hair out of your face before turning his attention back to your arm. “As for this … You’re human, we all are. And everyone gets low. I never, ever want to see you hurting yourself, but I understand the thoughts behind it…” He smiled sadly. “You know that I tried to kill myself .. To just want to stop the pain. But I’m here now, and I’m better and I’m here for you. We all are. And you’ll keep fighting because that’s who you are.”

You felt tears of gratitude sparkling in your eyes. “Thank you, Bruce. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” In a moment of impulse, you curled up into him and placed your head on his shoulder. You felt him tense for a moment, unsure of what to do. 

You lifted your head back up. “I’m sorry,” you mumbled. “I didn’t mean to make you feel weird. It’s just,” you broke off. “No, it’s ok,” he said softly. “It’s just what?” You looked at him intently, your eyes tracing from his tousled dark hair to his gentle face, taking in his strong hands and how close he was to you. “I guess I just feel safe whenever I’m with you. Happy. Like you make the bad stuff go away.” You cast your eyes downward, not sure if you had made him feel uncomfortable again. 

You were surprised, but pleased, then, when Bruce pulled you in toward him again, letting you nestle into his shoulder while he stroked your hair softly. You breathed in his warmth and the smell of his cologne, feeling yourself drifting off to sleep. You felt his chest fall as he exhaled deeply. “Trust me, Y/N,” he murmured quietly. “I know that feeling.” You fell asleep almost instantly, but Bruce stayed up awhile longer, savoring the presence of your body wrapped innocently against him and continuing to stroke your hair. “Like when you’re with them, you know you’re home,” he added softly.


	2. Chapter 2

It was morning. Your eyes opened and you immediately squinted at the bright sunlight streaming through the room. Your head was pounding and your throat was raw. You felt a dull pain in your arm and looked down at your gauze-taped forearm. You felt your heart sink as the events of last night came flooding back. Lucas leaving, the alcohol, the blood and … Bruce. Where was he?

You sat up slowly and looked around, shifting the blanket that had been placed on you at some point in the night. You turned toward your tiny kitchen, seeing him with his back to you and his hair sticking up in all kinds of directions. The smell of hazelnut coffee was filling your apartment. You slid back down the couch and out of view, not knowing what you should say to him. “Good morning, thanks for taking care of me when I was batshit insane and making sure I didn’t bleed out,” you thought flatly. You let out a noise of frustration and covered your eyes with the crook of your forearm. 

“Y/N?” Bruce’s voice called out softly. Without moving your body, you stuck your non damaged arm out above the couch and waved.

You heard footsteps and you turned to face him as he sat down in the armchair across from you. You pulled the blanket up to your chin and let out a pitiful “Hey.” He smiled gently. “How are you feeling?”

“Like you would expect me to feel after a night of becoming a human Niagara Falls hell bent on self-destruction,” you replied with a bitter laugh. You looked at him, his face pained. “I’m sorry Bruce,” you said, switching gears. “You didn’t need to stay.” 

“I just wanted to make sure you were ok,” he said simply. “Can I look at your arm?” You nodded. There were odd spots of blood scattered amongst the clean white. “I’m gonna change these,” he said looking in his bag. 

You stopped him. “Bruce, you’ve done more than enough for me. You shouldn’t have to babysit, I can handle this from here.” You groaned and sat up on the couch, rubbing your temples. 

He looked at you nervously. “How much do you remember of last night?” You thought for a moment. “Most of it, I think,” you answered slowly. “I know I was crying a lot and screaming and convinced I was going to die … You showed up and stopped the bleeding and …” You paused and the edge of your mouth turned up in a small smile. “You were being undeservingly nice to me, as usual, and you played with my hair and I calmed down and passed out here.” Your features contracted as one detail eluded you. “Wait, where did you sleep?” Bruce pointed to the couch where you sat.

“Oh my god, did I pass out on you?!” You smacked your forehead. “Bruce, I’m so sorry; you could’ve just pushed me off! I would’ve staggered to my room.” He smiled that lovely crooked smile of his at you and said, “Nah, I didn’t mind. You seemed pretty comfortable and it let me check your pulse easier.” He looked at you seriously. “You really had me scared there, Y/N.”

Your throat tightened at the look of distress on his face. “I’m really sorry …. I -” you broke off and felt the tears coming back. “No, no, no, no,” you cried out before covering your face and bringing your knees to your chest, trying to regain control. You felt Bruce sit down on the couch with you, his hand rubbing your back gently. “Hey, let it out. It’s ok.” He sat there patiently tracing his fingers across your shoulder blades as your body heaved with sobs. “It’s ok, it’s ok,” he murmured. 

You sat up sniffling. “No it’s not,” you choked out. “I hate that I let myself slip, I hate that I’m letting Lucas make me feel like this, I hate how much this hurts and it fucking sucks.” You placed your hand over your mouth and closed your eyes tightly as tears still fell down your face. “And you shouldn’t have to deal with this, this is my problem and I should be able to handle this myself.” 

“Y/N, look at me,” Bruce said firmly. You turned your red-rimmed eyes toward him. “You aren’t a burden. I’m here because I care about you and want to help.” He grasped your shoulder. “That’s what friends do, right?” You gave a small laugh as Bruce brushed some stray tears off your face with his thumb. “You’re actually the best,” you said as you wrapped your arms around his neck and hugged him. “Thank you for being there and caring …. With all the downtime I’m gonna have off from training, I’ll work on getting you canonized as a saint.” You noticed once again, his muscles tensed at the initial contact and then relaxed slowly, wrapping his arms around you as well. He laughed gently. “Have fun with that.” You broke apart and you breathed out. “Do you mind driving me to the tower? I feel like being with you guys will be the best thing for me right now.” Bruce nodded. “I think that’s a good idea.”  
——————————————-  
You walked into the tower and were surprised to see everyone waiting for you in the living room. You immediately rounded on Bruce. “What the hell? Do they already know?” You sputtered. Bruce held his hands up. “Tony ran into me last night and asked where I was going. I was honest, I was worried about you.” You turned slowly to face everyone, looks of concern etched across their faces. You broke the silence, falling into your defense mechanism of self-deprecation. “Heeeeeyyy guys,” you dragged out, spreading your fingers apart into jazz hands. “No worries, Crazy’s still alive and well.” No one laughed.

You sighed. “Really guys, I’m ok. Last night was just fucked. Everything that I ever could have been upset about with myself was thrown in my face and I just couldn’t take it. I messed up and I know it, I know that how I handled it was unhealthy. Right now, I just want to keep busy and try to move past this.”

Silence again. Wanda looked at you sadly, “We are just glad you are alive, Y/N. We were all so worried.”

“Yes,” Thor added. “We were prepared to find Lucas and destroy him for causing you suffering.”

“I’m still for it. And egging the bastard’s car,” Clint muttered. 

“Or his face,” Pietro chimed in. 

Natasha looked up at you with her coy grin, “If it’s any consolation, we never really liked him anyways. You were way out of that schmuck’s league.” 

The rest of the team murmured in agreement. You laughed, the first genuine laugh you felt come out in what felt like ages. “Thank you, everyone. I’m really sorry that I freaked you all out. I know I’m not going to be 100% right away, but I know that I’ll feel better here with you guys.” Your eyes involuntarily flickered to Bruce standing tucked in a corner. He caught your gaze and smiled, something not missed by the rest of the team. 

“Or with one guy,” Tony whispered audibly.

“What?” You turned sharply to face him. 

“Nothing, squirt. Just glad you’re alright,” he replied, getting up and clapping you on the back. Natasha came up to you and gave you a quick hug, “Anytime you want to go out looking for cute guys, you know I’ve got your back,” she said, her eyes sparkling mischievously. You grinned. “That might be awhile, but I’ll take you up on that.” The rest of the team came up and each hugged you, adding their own words of encouragement. You felt tears spring up again, tears of overwhelming gratitude. “I love you guys,” you stated simply. 

You hadn’t noticed that Bruce had slipped away to his lab.


	3. Chapter 3

Bruce sat in his lab with his head in his hands, your voice still ringing in his head. “I don’t know what I’d do without you. I just feel so safe when I’m with you. Happy.” He could still feel your soft breath on his neck and the rise and fall of your chest, the way your body curved against him and the feel of his arms around you.

“Get it together, Banner,” he muttered to himself, rubbing his forehead. “She was drunk, she needed a friend. That’s it. We’re just friends.” “But you don’t want to be just friends, do you?” A voice in his head replied. Bruce snapped out of his conversation with himself as he heard the lab door slide open as Tony sauntered in.

Bruce sighed. “What can I do for you, Tony?” Tony plopped himself down into a chair next to Bruce, spinning himself in a circle. “You can tell me what really happened last night.” Bruce frowned at Tony in confusion. “What are you talking about?” “You spent the night at Y/N’s apartment!” He yelled out, poking him with a pen. “You’re gonna tell me nothing happened with you two? Bruce looked at Tony incredulously. "You do realize that she was drunk, her boyfriend had just broken up with her and she was borderline suicidal? I was just there to make sure she stayed alive.” Tony rolled his eyes. “Well, obviously. But you can’t tell me that you didn’t make a move. We all know you’ve been crazy about her since the day she walked into training.”

Bruce thought back to the way his heart sped up when you said that he made you feel happy and the way you sighed with contentment as he hands ran through your hair. He paused. “Nothing happened, Tony,” he muttered irritably. “We’re just friends. She fell asleep on my shoulder, that was it.” 

“AHA,” cried out, rising from his chair. “So you guys cuddled!” 

“I wouldn’t call it cuddling so much as her being too exhausted to make it to her bed.” 

Tony sat back down, resting his chin in his hands. “You do realize that out of all of us, you were the one she called?”

Bruce gave out a harsh laugh. “Not to point out the obvious, Tony, but I’m the only one here with a Dr. in front of my name. She knew she needed medical attention.” “No,” Tony chided. “She knew she needed you. You’re one of the only ones here that she hasn’t blazed up in front of. You’re the only one here who can truly get through to her.” Tony did have a point; despite how out of control your powers could get, Bruce had never been on the receiving end. Before Bruce could say anything, Tony continued. “And, there’s no point denying that you like her,” he said with a smirk. “Wanda really is a great mind reader.”

Turning to scowl at Tony’s infuriating grin, Bruce yelled out. “It doesn’t matter, Tony!” Tony’s smile fell. “Sorry,” Bruce muttered. “It’s just …. Even if I do feel how you say I feel about Y/N, it doesn’t matter. Do you honestly think she’d want to be with someone like me? And if she did … She wouldn’t understand the danger she was putting herself in. She deserves someone who won’t hurt her like I could.”

“That’s what this is about? You being afraid of hurting her with the other guy?” Tony shook his head. “Look, Doc, she was just with a guy who doesn’t turn into an enormous green rage machine, and look how badly he still hurt her. That’s a real monster, Bruce, not you. She’s seen the other guy, you know she’s not afraid. She adores you.”

When Bruce said nothing, Tony sighed. “Look,” he said, bringing a hand to Bruce’s shoulder. “I’m not going to pretend to be some sort of relationship expert. Lord knows I had my share of doozys until I met Pepper. But the way I see it, every relationship has its risks, whether or not you turn into a massive green powerhouse. It’s just about deciding if it’s worth it to you to take those risks. And judging by the way we all see you two look at each other, I’d say it is.”

Bruce exhaled and adjusted his glasses. “Thanks, Tony. That actually helped a lot, surprisingly.” Tony ruffled Bruce’s hair. “Anytime, big guy. Now that douchebag ex-boyfriend is out of the picture, you’ve got a clear shot. You should take it.”

Bruce didn’t know it (Tony did) but Wanda was in your room with you having a very similar conversation


	4. Chapter 4

You threw your bag into one of the many extra rooms in the tower, referred to as the “drunk dorms.” It was where guests (or Avengers) would crash if they were too intoxicated to make it home. You curled up in the large, blue comforter and stared up at the ceiling.

You felt as if a part of you was missing, but you weren’t so sure that was a bad or good thing. You just knew that it hurt. You thought about Lucas. Charming, attractive, stable … But did you two really even have anything in common? Did you even like him, or did you just liked that he made you feel wanted? “Stop. Too soon for analyzing right now,” you thought abruptly. You were jolted out of your musings with a gentle knock on the door. You sat up. “Come in!” The door opened, revealing Wanda.

“Do you know what sucks?” Wanda sat down on the bed, shaking her head. “Men,” you continued flatly. Wanda laughed. “Not all men are bad, Y/N. Lucas was just not a good person. And he was not right for you.” You sighed loudly. “Wish someone would’ve told me that awhile I go so I didn’t waste a year and a half with that asshole.”

Looking back, you remember all the fights and drama with Lucas. You thought it was romantic at the time, the whole “we drive each other crazy but still love each other thing,” but now, you realized it was just unhealthy. “I don’t even know if I really ever loved him or just the idea of him. Having someone that wanted me and that I wanted back.”

Wanda frowned sadly. “Come here Y/N! I hate seeing you sad.” She pulled you into a hug as you started sniffling. “I just feel so pathetic,” you muttered. “I don’t even know now if I even liked him that much, let alone loved him, and yet I’m still here crying like an idiot. I don’t get it.” Wanda rubbed your back consolingly. “You are not an idiot. That is the past now. All you can do is look forward now. At least you have learned what not to look for in a relationship!” You laughed through your tears and sat up to face her. “There is that. Thank you for being here.” She smiled. “Always, dear.”

She paused. “There is something else I wanted to talk to you about, though, if you feel alright to discuss it.” You looked at her with surprise. “Yeah, sure, what is it?” She looked at you straight on, her dark eyes boring Ito yours. “I read your mind when you arrived back to the tower. I saw you thinking a lot about Bruce. You two slept together, no?”

You felt your cheeks growing red. “Well I mean I slept on him, but that doesn’t mean anything. He was just too nice to throw me off. He’s just a good friend,” you stammered. Wanda gazed at you skeptically. “Y/N,” she said patiently. “He was thinking about it too. And we all see the way you two get along. You are very close.”

Your heart sped up involuntarily. “He was thinking about it too?” You thought frantically. Your mind flashed back to his hands running through your hair and how he smiled when you told him he made you feel safe. Wanda tried to suppress a grin. “Y/N, you know I can see that.”

“GODDAMMIT WANDA,” you yelled out flopping onto your back with a groan. Staring at the ceiling, you spat out,“ I don’t know how I feel, ok? I know that he makes me happy. I know that I can tell him anything. But having feelings for him … Telling him that …” You stopped. “I mean … I don’t like him like that but … Fuck.” You said resting your head in your hands. “Yes you do, Y/N,” Wanda said gently. “That’s why I am here.” “But Wanda, I can’t feel like that! It would ruin everything because there’s no way he feels the same. I just got dumped … I’m not stable. He deserves better. But this is all irrelevant because he doesn’t feel that way about me.” You stopped abruptly. “I can’t lose him. Telling him how I feel … How I think I feel … That’s too scary for me to deal with.”

Wanda looked at you sympathetically. “It’s never easy having your heart vulnerable, Y/N. And you shouldn’t rush into anything. But don’t let what happened with Lucas ruin your chance of really being with someone who truly cares about you and that you genuinely have bonded with.” She squeezed your hand. “We all just want you to be happy. You said it yourself, that is how he makes you feel, no?”

You sighed. “Yeah he does. It’s just too much to think about right now, Wanda. But I appreciate it.” You paused. “Was he really thinking about me?” Wanda grinned. “Yes, he was. He does often,” she whispered before placing a light kiss on your forehead. “You know where to find me I you need anything.” She exited your room, leaving you to a whirlwind of butterflies and panic floating about your stomach.

“I can’t feel this way about him. I don’t, I don’t – fuck. Who am I kidding? I do,” you said to yourself. “I like him more than I should. And that’s what terrifies me. But Wanda said he thinks about me too …” You yelled out into your pillow with frustration before drifting off to sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

“Got it,” you yelled out, setting a perfect volley for Natasha to spike the ball over the net and into the sand at Clint’s feet. “That’s game!” you both cried out, high fiving. “Wow, boys, thought this would be more of a challenge,” Natasha jeered out, smirking.

Both Clint and Steve scowled at the two of you as you clinked your beers together in celebration. “You’ve got a trained assassin and a fireball. We’re just some average joes, be nice,” Clint said wiping the sweat off his face. You laughed and shook their hands, grinning before sauntering off to the pier to head over to where Bruce sat quietly watching.

“Look at you, all star,” Bruce said laughing. He raised his own beer bottle up to meet yours. “Thanks, I do what I can,” you said, comically flipping your tousled tresses over one shoulder. Bruce shook his head and patted the wooden planks next to him as you sat down.

“Get a load of this,” he said, pointing out toward the water. You squinted through your sunglasses. “Is that Tony and Thor? What the hell are they doing?” “Shhh,” Bruce said, placing a finger over his lips. “Just watch.”

All of a sudden, the pair moved in a blur toward you, speeding past the pier and causing you to topple onto Bruce with the force of the wind gusts. Your pulse quickened for a moment as you felt Bruce’s hands catching your waist, your bikini clad body tingling as you felt the skin on skin contact as he placed you back upright. “Woah, sorry,” you said breathlessly. “You’re perfect, don’t worry,” Bruce said before awkwardly rubbing his shoulder. “Did he just call me perfect?”

Before you had time to even say anything back, Thor landed on the pier, shaking soaking wet blond strands out of his face. “FRIENDS,” he bellowed, swaying slightly. “Come join Tony and I in making the world’s most magnificent sandcastle!” “Wait, why were you two out there then?,” you asked. “We needed the flag pole, of course!” Thor slurred.

You turned down to the sand. You hadn’t noticed it while you were knocked over, but Tony has zoomed Thor out to pick up an enormous piece of driftwood. “This is going to be the new Stark tower!” Tony yelled out before toppling into the sand. You couldn’t help the laughter that came bursting out. “Have fun, drunkies. I’ll stay right here.” Despite asking how much alcohol there was going to be, you weren’t wasted yourself. If you were going to tell Bruce how you felt, though, you knew you wanted a little bit of liquid courage.

“OK, well have fun you two! Don’t go sneaking off on us!” Thor grinned before hopping off the dock and running to Tony.

You both sat quietly, not knowing how to react from Thor’s teasing. You took another sip of your beer, looking at Bruce out of the corner of your eye. He was looking down at his bottle, running his thumb over the rim, apparently lost in thought. You broke the silence. “I never properly thanked you for the past month,” you said simply. 

Bruce looked at you, slightly confused. “What do you mean?” 

“You know, being there for me with all this post breakup madness. Making sure I take my meds. Watching movies with me when I can’t sleep. You’ve been so great and just yeah,” you smiled. “I like knowing that you’re always there.” He looked up at you and nodded. “Don’t mention it. I hate seeing you upset. We all do.” He looked away suddenly with a deep breath, biting his lip.

“Hey,” you poked him in the ribs and laughed as he squirmed. “Why so serious? We’re at the beach watching a very wasted Tony and Thor make a sandcastle! This is the definition of comedic relief.”

Bruce gave a small smile and you wanted so badly to bring his lips to yours. “He’s adorable, goddammit,” you thought to yourself. You glanced quickly at his shirtless chest. “And who knew he had a body like that?”

You felt warm all of a sudden and with the slight buzz you had egging you on, you continued to poke at his ribcage, giggling. Bruce snapped out of his reverie, laughing as he caught your hands and you struggled. “You really want to tickle me when there’s a whole bunch of water here I can throw you in?” You let out an obnoxious laugh. “Yeah, ok Bruce, go ahead and throw me in,” you chuckled. “You wouldn’t da-” all of a sudden, you were swept up into Bruce’s arms and sailing over the edge with a shriek. You emerged soaked and sputtering. “YOU LITTLE SHIT BRUCE BANNER!” You yelled out laughing. “YOU ARE A DEAD MAN!”

Bruce looked down at you, smirking slightly and beckoning you forward with two fingers. “Is he buzzed?” You thought, laughing out loud. He wasn’t normally this openly playful – or flirtatious. “You gotta catch me first, Y/N. And I don’t think you can.”

You hopped yourself back onto the pier, brushing the hair from your eyes and cracking your knuckles menacingly. “We’ll see about that,” you cackled evilly, charging much quicker than Bruce expected. “Oh, shit,” he yelled out, laughing, easily dancing around your attempts to grab him while still holding his beer. After he dodged you again, you screamed out with frustration. “What the hell, Banner?! Where did you get so fast, you sit in a lab all day!!” You huffed out, catching your breath. 

Bruce grinned, finishing the last of his drink and placing it on the wooden boards. “I guess I’m just full of surprise-” giggling loudly, you sprang up towards him, managing to get in a good enough push this time to send him in. Reflexively grabbing your hand, he pulled you in with him as you shrieked out with laughter.

You both came up to the surface still laughing, shaking the water out of your eyes. Bruce shook his head like a dog and ran a hand through his disheveled hair. “Here, let me help you with that,” you said before launching yourself onto him, your hands quickly sending his dark strands in all different directions. “Absolutely not,” he said, laughing at your giggles and pinning your arms down. Your laughter had seemed to take all your nerves out of you as you moved in closer to him, both suddenly made very aware of how close your bodies were, your faces inches apart. You met your eyes with his. He froze, “Y/N,” he said quietly. “I-

You didn’t wait for a full sentence, bringing your lips firmly onto his. He didn’t back away, but when you broke apart, you saw that his brown eyes were blinking rapidly, avoiding your gaze.

In a rush, you blurted out. "Look, I know what you’re going to say. That you’re a monster, that you’ll hurt me, all that shit. But here’s the thing, Bruce.” You took a deep breath; once you started spilling your guts, you didn’t want to stop. “You’re not a monster. You’re the most incredible person that I know.” You smiled softly. “You’re my best friend. And I’m tired of making excuses for why I shouldn’t tell you how I feel about you. I like you so much. And even if you don’t feel the same, I still needed to tell you. I’m tired of being too afraid to take a chance on something –someone – who makes me feel as good as you do. And I’m sorry I waited this long to say something, I was just …” You broke off, unsure of the right phrasing. “Absolutely terrified?,” Bruce finished for you.

You looked at Bruce, his gaze now focused on you and that damn, crooked smile playing on his handsome features. “That would be correct,” you replied, letting out a nervous laugh. Bruce exhaled and took one hand to frame your face. Your eyes lit up with the look that he gave you. “Look, Y/N … I’ve liked you for a really, really long time too. And you’re right, I don’t want to hurt you and I’m scared I will. But I can’t know that for sure.” He exhaled deeply. “All I know is how I feel about you, and that you make me happier than I ever thought would be possible for  
… Someone like me. And I think it’s time I stopped letting fear of the "what ifs” get in the way of being with such an amazing woman,“ he smiled shyly. "Especially when she’s this beautiful.”

You beamed at him and felt happy tears coming to your eyes. “Dammit, Bruce, you trying to make me cry?,” you said as you both laughed, giving him a little shove. “Never,” he said shaking his head. “Now,” he continued smiling, bringing his forehead to yours. “time for me to do what I should’ve done, um, probably the first day I hung out with you.”

He brought your face to his eagerly, kissing you tenderly as you wrapped your arms around him. You both broke apart smiling, full of giddy relief and bliss at knowing that, finally, you had each mustered up the courage to get yourself right where you both needed to be.


End file.
